America

Today is a historic day and it's something I never thought I would ever see in my lifetime.   Growing up I would hear you can be anything and do anything you want, but I saw it in my Mother's eyes, that we couldn't do anything, there were limitations.  Now, as Barack Obama swears on a bible that he will do all he can do as President of the United States of America and the Obama family move into the White House, I now can truly tell my daughter and believe it, that it is possible to do anything.  This transcends race, religion, and sexual orientation; this historic event is truly a world event.  People from England, Korea, the Netherlands, Iran and many other countries are in Washington because an African American has been elected to become president in a country that used slaves to build this country, as well as build the White House.  So, these countries are looking at us with hope for their countries to make a world change.  Congratulations President Barack Obama, may God be with you and your family.             Enjoy this day because it's for all of us.  

When do you know when its over?

After much contemplation, exhaustive discussions, arguements and tears, our marriage is over.  For months I didn't want to admit the truth and looked past the signs but, everything down deep into my bones knew it was over.  So, why didn't I want to see it?  I asked myself about the fear of being alone, going back onto the dating scene (which is a nightmare), but that wasn't it.  

I didn't want to be a failure.  I didn't want to admit that it didn't work, "we" didn't work.  I didn't want to admit that the love we had wasn't enough.  You can love someone so much and think you will spend the rest of your life with them, then its over.  The ending of a relationship is hard, too hard but we will get through this, hopefully as friends, someday.  

It's a New Day

It's been some time since I've posted and that's only because life has been extraordinarily busy.  I'm so excited about our new president and basically what a new year brings. It brings new beginnings of love, hope, and change. If you have not done whatever your heart desires, please do it now. As my best friend of 24 years battled breast cancer this year has taught me, life is too short!!!

I think about November 4th, 2008, and I was so excited when I woke up at 5 a.m., which is a time I normally have to wake up. I knew the polls would be crowded but, as I reached my polling site at 6:40 am, I was shocked, I almost turned around, but I knew this was something bigger than me, something much bigger. I can't put it into words but, after 21 years of voting I have never had to wait on line to vote in any election and here were sons and fathers, great grandmothers who were wheelchair bound, children excited to be with their parents, all ages and all shades of black were on line to vote. Not once did I ever question who they all were voting for.

Now, when my daughter asked as a 6 year old, can I be president, I said yes, but deep down, I knew it wasn't possible, not in this country. But, now she can actually see that yes, with hard work, and determination, yes you too my daughter can be president, and I really mean it this time. So, I look forward to the new year, new life, new beginnings, new changes, and new hope of better things to come.

West Indian Day Parade

Today was a beautiful day in NYC and I was looking forward to going to the West Indian Day Parade. It had been many years since my grandmother first took me to see it and I remember it being extremely sexual. The gay men were out in force, scantily dressed, rubbing on each other and tons of people were drunk.

After living so close for so many years I decided to attend today and I was pleasantly surprised. The love for each own's Caribbean country was quite evident. (I'm African-American) The flags were waving, whistles were blowing, and the music was pumping. As I got closer to Eastern Parkway I could smell the foods, jerk chicken, roti, sausages, parmesan corn on the cob, middle eastern chicken, hot dogs, Mister Softee, Italian ices, and plenty of water was available.

I loved the colors of the floats, and the reggae and soca music busting a hole in your chest. The dancing was infectious and I couldn't help but release the african spirit in me. As I was dancing I felt hands on my hips and someone grinding up on my ass. My first instinct was to push him off but I continued to dance and enjoy the music, besides as the music went by so did he. I continued to laugh and be happy while enjoying the many cultures of my neighborhood. At one time you would have never saw me on Eastern Parkway on Labor Day but today I was there and next year I will be there again.

Guess who I ran into? The Insurance Man.

Well this has been an interesting week for me. I got a call from an ex, and it was good to talk to him. I'm glad he is doing well. On the subway I was sitting, reading a book and listening to my Ipod and someone tapped me on my shoulder. And you know don't ever tap someone on the shoulder on a NYC train, you can get hurt!! I jumped a little, and looked up, it was someone I dated about 7 years ago (Oh man did he look good, sexy, chocolate and pretty white teeth).

I smiled and pulled my head phones off, stood up and hugged him. We greeted each other, asked each other how the both of us is doing and smiled kind of an awkward smile. In the back of my mind I remembered how we met and what happened when we met. He asked where I was going and what I was doing. It was the end of the day and I was heading home. The train continued to chug along heading to Brooklyn. He asked if we could get off the train and have dinner, I was secretly hoping he would ask me out but I wasn't prepared to go out that very night but what the hell.

We got off the train and headed to Junior's ( I didn't really like Jr.'s but I can always eat the cheese cake). Whoa it was crowded, should have expected that since it was a Friday evening. We were seated, ordered a few drinks and he began to drill me on what I have been doing. As I looked at him all I could think about is the physically attraction we had for each other and because of that I had to let him go. I was an addict for him. Have you ever been drunk or high off of sex? No I wasn't a stalker or sick in the head but when you have someone who made you feel, I mean really feel. A slow, soft kiss from him would send shockwaves throughout my body and when he touched me I had to maintain some kind of control or else I would literally fall to the floor. His lips and tongue on my body fire and his dick was the right width and length and yes he used it well. I had no choice but to let him go. Sounds silly, but I was literally addicted to him. I couldn't think of anything else but him, I stopped going out with my friends, I couldn't work, missed deadlines and even food didn't taste the same. My body ached for him. And for my own sanity I had to let him go.

As I sat there telling him about what I had been doing, he touched my hand (oh man, why did he do that!?!?!). I coughed a little, removed my hand from under his and took a sip of my drink, thank God the waiter came so we could place our food order. I wasn't hungry at all, too nervous to eat but ordered the Buffalo shrimp and he ordered a burger, I think. After the waiter left he complimented me on how lovely I looked and said the short hair looks good on me. I complimented him and asked him what he had been up to. He said he left the insurance business to concentrate on being a writer. He was published in some smaller magazines and is working on a book. I had a sly smirk on my face and he asked what was I thinking. I asked him if he remembered how we first met.

Background info: We met because I was unhappy with the insurance agent I had and after speaking with my sister, she knew of one in the building she lived in and gave me his number. We talked over the phone while I was at work and continued the conversation when I went home. The conversation went back and forth from business to personal and I was sensing a vibe. He asked if he could come over and see the policy I presently had. In a few hours he was at my apartment. Damn he was sexy, full lips, pretty white teeth, a little bow legged, and was wearing that dark blue suit. I sensed immediately there was a strong attraction between the both of us. Now let me explain something what followed was very new to me and something I had never done before. I even shocked myself.

He chuckled a bit and said, "That red blouse you had on that night really revealed your cleavage and I wanted to dive in!" All I could do was laugh, hoping my nervousness didn't show. I tried to change the subject but he wasnt' having it, he knew what he was doing and I knew what he wanted.

Part 2 next time.

Something New

This really is something new for me. I never thought about blogging. I thought is was silly; just something else people did over the internet to express themselves, to be something other than who they really are. After a friend sent a link to a blog she enjoyed reading, I thought hmm... this is interesting. I have my own thoughts, opinions, and many stories to tell, so why not have my own blog. I hope there will be readers because i'm definitely excited about my something new.